I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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