Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
