If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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