someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Randomize
