i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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