you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
