I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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