i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
