the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
