I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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