So drunk its hurt
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
