Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
