Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
