his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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