Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
