Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
