So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
