i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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