there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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