i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
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You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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