I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
