I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
