I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
