The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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