i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
