Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
it glows. i had to have it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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