allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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