Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
