chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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