when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
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My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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