I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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