i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
