I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
