Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
