I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
