Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
