i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
is that a dick in a sweater?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
