He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You are the jesus of drinking
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
