i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
