remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
