a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
