On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
