I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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