why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
In other news, I just burned my penis
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
