Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I supernannyed him into submission
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
