I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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