i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
