you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
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