Best friends brother. Beat that.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
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Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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