She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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