yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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