If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
