Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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