just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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