Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
