Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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