Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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