Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
birth control should be required to get into college
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Randomize
