I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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