What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
