i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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