1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
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I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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