she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
